Downtrodden

Today that is how I am feeling.

I wanna cry. My tailbone has been giving me fits for months now. I'm used to dealing with it during pregnancy, since it's something that I've dealt with during all four pregnancies. I blamed it on my widening hips, leaving my tailbone all alone to hold my burgeoning belly weight, and it complained loudly about it. Having problems after pregnancy, well, I am not used to that, and so now I am complaining loudly about it

Yes, I still can't sit for very long (ie; 5 min) without being in pain, or wincing when I get up. My other three pregnancies, the tailbone pain was gone almost immediately after giving birth. Why, oh why, is this one different. Why am I still in pain?!?!


Before you pull out your condescending "you should go to the chiropractor" thoughts, I have. Four times now, since giving birth, and my daughter is 8 weeks old. Not once have I had any respite, not once has it felt better, even for a day. No, I have not hurt it during roller derby either, and I haven't fallen and landed on my bum, so I know it's not broken or bruised. So there!


I am at my wits end about it. Like I've said before, I am a ninny. I cannot handle pain that lasts long enough for me to analyze and think about. If it's quick and over fast, I don't have to really deal with it, just mention how much it sucked. But this?! This has gone on FAR too long.


Then, yesterday, I drove an hour to go to roller derby practice (I haven't been in two weeks for gas money reasons) all for pretty much nothing. Well except for my tailbone to hurt from the drive. A contractor for the rink screwed up and painted hockey lines on the rink floor on the wrong day. Wet paint = moaning and groaning about all my wasted gas money.


Today, I went to work out in my circuit training class at the YMCA, like I have been for two weeks now. I was struck with some bad self-thoughts while looking at myself in the mirror while kicking, bouncing, and all that jazz. When did I get so jiggly? Ugh! Yes I am there to tone and lose weight, but I look so awkward doing it right now and my side view of myself is so undesirable, that I felt very discouraged. Plus, I know that since I am breastfeeding, I cannot do things that would help me lose weight faster, because it would be bad for my Abigail. So I'm also discouraged that this is going to be a long journey down this weight loss path, and I'm going to be seeing a lot of that jiggle in the mirror at class for a while.


So today, I feel downtrodden and I want to cry, a lot. I want very much to find a solution to my tailbone ailment, to my gas money problem (so I don't feel awful for spending it to drive to roller derby practice again Wednesday), and for this weight to melt off me faster, please.