Old Habits

I've heard way too many times that "old habits die hard." I beg to differ. Yes there are those pesky ones that like to hang on for dear life, but then there are other ones, ones you'd like to keep around, but don't have the time to exercise, feed, nourish, bathe, and clothe. Oh wait. Sorry. Forgot I wasn't talking about kids. You get the gist though.

About a month ago, a friend called me up and said, "Hey I remembered that you play the flute! Can you be part of a musical number at church?" Well, maybe not word for word, but that was the idea of the conversation. I said sure, even though in my brain I was feeling like a little kid lost in a museum storage room. Do I even remember what a flute is? Where is mine? Do I even still have one? Do I remember how to hold it? Can my lips still hold a good embouchure? I'm not sure I remember fingerings, let alone how to read notes?! Ugh.....what did I just get myself into?

So, I looked up the music, and it was like reading gibberish. I had to do an Internet search for fingering charts. I'm a horrible sight reader anyway, I've always learned better from listening and mimicking. Guess you can't really call it learning, but that's how I play music. Play it for me, then I can play it back.

I went to the first practice, just me, and 4 girls singing, with one of them trying to play the piano part. It was the first time I'd picked up a flute in probably 8 yrs or better. Yeah, I pretty much massacred it. I hate doing that in front of people. I'd much rather massacre music in private while I learn it, or in a large group where you can't really hear MY mess-ups. Certainly not where others can listen to my awful excuse of having a go at flute playing.

I was surprised that my fingers remembered quickly what the fingerings were, as long as my brain remembered which note it was that I was reading. My embouchure not as lacking as I expected. It was kind of an impressive embouchure for having been on vacation almost a decade. As for my sight reading? I never had it in the first place. So I tried my best to listen to the piano and get an idea if my part from it. No such luck. They are two very different parts. Luckily, I did find an accompaniment track when I got home. It  came from the website we are using the music from, and has the piano and flute parts.Yesssss!

I spent a few days practicing my part, sitting at the computer, listening to the track. By day two, I felt a lot better about it. The following week, the other flautist, the piano player, and I got together for our own little practice. I felt a lot more confident this time. I was even helping out the other flautist, since she was in the same boat as I was. I felt pretty good about myself. All except I kept playing pretty sharp.I'll fix that.

In another two weeks we will be playing our musical number in front of a large congregation. I even told my mom so she could come. She loves to hear and watch me play my flute; she bought me the one I currently have, even after I hardly played anymore.

Even though I felt like a lost puppy when first asked about this daunting task, I'm glad I agreed. It gave me a reason to brush up on an old skill, that at one time was second nature to me. It's also given me an opportunity to play music with others again. I've missed that. Playing flute all by yourself is no fun and kind of awkward. I'm surprised at how much I lost, but how quickly it came back to me. Maybe I won't be so glad, come the day I have to actually perform in front of everyone, but at least I won't be a lone, and quite so rusty.

Downtrodden

Today that is how I am feeling.

I wanna cry. My tailbone has been giving me fits for months now. I'm used to dealing with it during pregnancy, since it's something that I've dealt with during all four pregnancies. I blamed it on my widening hips, leaving my tailbone all alone to hold my burgeoning belly weight, and it complained loudly about it. Having problems after pregnancy, well, I am not used to that, and so now I am complaining loudly about it

Yes, I still can't sit for very long (ie; 5 min) without being in pain, or wincing when I get up. My other three pregnancies, the tailbone pain was gone almost immediately after giving birth. Why, oh why, is this one different. Why am I still in pain?!?!


Before you pull out your condescending "you should go to the chiropractor" thoughts, I have. Four times now, since giving birth, and my daughter is 8 weeks old. Not once have I had any respite, not once has it felt better, even for a day. No, I have not hurt it during roller derby either, and I haven't fallen and landed on my bum, so I know it's not broken or bruised. So there!


I am at my wits end about it. Like I've said before, I am a ninny. I cannot handle pain that lasts long enough for me to analyze and think about. If it's quick and over fast, I don't have to really deal with it, just mention how much it sucked. But this?! This has gone on FAR too long.


Then, yesterday, I drove an hour to go to roller derby practice (I haven't been in two weeks for gas money reasons) all for pretty much nothing. Well except for my tailbone to hurt from the drive. A contractor for the rink screwed up and painted hockey lines on the rink floor on the wrong day. Wet paint = moaning and groaning about all my wasted gas money.


Today, I went to work out in my circuit training class at the YMCA, like I have been for two weeks now. I was struck with some bad self-thoughts while looking at myself in the mirror while kicking, bouncing, and all that jazz. When did I get so jiggly? Ugh! Yes I am there to tone and lose weight, but I look so awkward doing it right now and my side view of myself is so undesirable, that I felt very discouraged. Plus, I know that since I am breastfeeding, I cannot do things that would help me lose weight faster, because it would be bad for my Abigail. So I'm also discouraged that this is going to be a long journey down this weight loss path, and I'm going to be seeing a lot of that jiggle in the mirror at class for a while.


So today, I feel downtrodden and I want to cry, a lot. I want very much to find a solution to my tailbone ailment, to my gas money problem (so I don't feel awful for spending it to drive to roller derby practice again Wednesday), and for this weight to melt off me faster, please.