The Emotional Monster

Today I feel like I've been overtaken by pregnancy hormones, and of course that's not in a good way. It's so hard to be rational, or even think logically when my body is raging with hormones that are totally hijacking my emotions.

This it totally how I feel today, only while crying.

Today I am looking at my calendar for the week, and my to-do list next to it, and I just wanna hide in my bedroom. This week is going to be crazy busy for me. I don't want to do any of it, but on the other hand I do, because I've been looking forward to a lot of it for weeks now. I'm also hoping it will be fun. Most of all, Saturday is my derby game, and for the first time in 2 yrs, I don't get to play. Physically, I totally could, and my growing baby would be totally fine, no matter how hard I fell, but like I've said before, no one wants to hit a pregnant chic, not even one on skates in full protective gear, so it would be a totally unfair advantage. I'm trying to put on a brave face. Yes I'm happy to be having a baby, and no I wouldn't trade bringing a baby in to this world for playing derby, but this game I should be able to do both. I am not going to get to though, because of society's view of pregnancy as being this state of fragility. It just makes me want to bawl. Like ugly cry, type of bawl.

And I don't wanna do all my responsibilites, cuz I can't have all fun, so I'd rather just hide in my room and cry.

Stupid hormones.

The end.

Roller Derby and Pregnancy

So my first blog back in a while, and of course it's going to be about the two things that *kinda* rule my life. Roller derby, and kids, or at least the process of incubating them.

This is totally happening with my kids!

Yes, yes indeed I am pregnant. Some of you are muttering to your screens, "Again?" Yes again. To answer the next questions that you are muttering to yourself, "Yes I know what causes it. No it wasn't an accident or surprise. Frankly I don't know if we are done yet."

If I'm being frank here, people can be downright rude when you aren't following the society cookie cutter norm for having kids. I told my husband that I wanted 5 kids when we were talking marriage, and he thought "Surely she is nuts!" Well folks, he drank the Kool-aid, and wouldn't send any of them back. Thankfully. Cuz that would really, really, hurt. We were both ready to be done at 4, since we had the perfect set-up and why ruin a good thing, right?! I mean how many people have 2 boys and 2 girls, in that exact order? Statistically it's super rare to have that order of kids, and it's exactly what I wanted! Plus it satisfied my slight OCD. Then one day, while sitting in church, I just knew we weren't done. I leaned over and told my wonderful spouse, and he glared the glare of hellfire at me. After a few months of much arguing, (I couldn't shake the feeling that this was the right decision)
Tony woke up and told me he was okay with it. I swear I looked around the room for lightning strike marks. So then we started planning when would be a good time to to leave things in the hands of my amazing reproductive system and ditch the birth control.

You wanna know the big factor in deciding when?! Roller Derby. Oh come on, you knew roller derby was gonna come in to play in this post *some*time. I looked at the calendar and the season schedule, trying to figure out when would give me the most play time, and a decent recovery time. I wasn't trying to get back to practice after 2 weeks like last time. After all, my body is in it's 30s now.

I found out I was pregnant this spring, and crunched the numbers. I knew I could safely get away with playing through the June game, and was excited to be able to play 5 out of 8 games for the year. I was going to miss playing in the championship bout, but I would survive.....after lots and lots of tears I'm sure. For all of you cringing, thinking about a pregnant lady playing such a high contact sport, you must not have paid much attention during your high school anatomy class. The woman's body is an AMAZING thing, and an even better baby factory. It has super high tech security to protect it's product from unwanted intrusions and outside disasters. In the first half of pregnancy, that uterus is the most safe, cushioned, baby safe ever! I've been playing this sport for years so i was completely aware of my body and what it is capable of. Doctors also encourage you to keep doing physical activities that you are accustomed to doing, just not way up the physical activity cuz all the sudden you are like, "Whoah, I'm gonna blow up like a hippo, I gotta start exercising!" Hey I skated as a carhop up to 7 months into my first pregnancy, (with my OBGYN's permission) and only got off my skates because of rude customers.

Well. my body had other plans. As soon as my stomach muscles realized what they were in for, they rebelled. They wouldn't even hold their normal, very relaxed position, but went on all out hiatus. So all my league-mates started talking about how pregnant I looked, and "Oh look, she did the belly touch!" So I played the May game amidst the rumor mill, and then spilled my beans. There was no use lying. I am just sad I didn't get to play ONE MORE GAME. Stupid stomach muscles. I'd fire them if I didn't need them. Why can't I just play that one more game, you ask? It would be a completely unfair advantage. No one wants to hit a pregnant chic. Dang it.

So now I get to sit (who am I kidding, I'll be on my feet yelling) on the side-lines, coaching and cheering my team on. It'll still be a good season, and in the end I will get a new snuggle bug for Christmas. It's just a tough pill to swallow, to stand by, feeling the wind of the pack pass you by.

Doing What I Love

I have been absent from the blogger world for a while. I feel like I should apologize, but then, I've been doing what I love, so.....really.....I'm not sorry at all.

I've been Mommy, Wife, Housekeeper, Maid, Nurse, Tutor, Taxi, Chef, Errand Girl, and Business Owner.

(That last one has taken up a lot of my extra mental storage and "spare" time, what ever that is. )

Business Owner?! You're probably thinking, "How out of touch have I been with Liz?" Or "What have you got yourself in to now?!"

 Really, just roller derby. 

Remember two whole posts ago, when I talked about starting the Blacksnake Roller Girls? Well, it took off, a lot, and I can now call it officially my business. This also means, that if it tanks ever, than I will cry, a lot.

Let me summarize. Enough girls were interested and had enough practices in, that we were able to schedule our first game for April 28th. I expected 500 people. 1500 people were in attendance! I was to the moon with excitement! It made money, rather than lost money. It was an edge of your seat, exciting game! It was the best night of derby, EVER!

Neat fact, that's my silhouette.

Then, we had enough girls in the league, that we split into two teams. The Jesse Janes and the Venomous Vixens.

I helped create the logo with the awesome talents of Edith Myfist, one of my teammates from Dead Girl Derby.

Then we were in parades, and people started recognizing us.

We were able to play against Dead Girl Derby teams in June (that's when this whole thing became officially mine!), July, and August. Each game we made money, which we promptly spent on advertising for the next game. DGD skaters were jealous of our arena, and our fan turn-out. It felt pretty good!

September, we decided to have our two house teams play against each other, Frankly, we had been creamed all season by the more experienced DGD skaters, and felt it would be a better game for the fans to watch. Boy was it! It was an intense, lead switching game! First, the Vixens were in the lead at the beginning of the first quarter, then the Janes took the lead (I'm a Jane), then we were tied in the 4th quarter, then finally the Vixens took the lead and won by 6 points. Oh my goodness was it a great game! Such a good game, that no one Jane felt that they lost, and no one Vixen wasn't grateful to the Janes for laying it all out on the track!

This wasn't everyone, but most of us, excited after a hard fought game!

It has been an excellent season. I am sad to have this season be over, and knowing that we won't have a game in that arena until next spring, is a tough pill to swallow. I am grateful that I don't have to stress over, the arena being paid, contracts signed, ordering and selling tickets, collecting ticket money, making sure insurance paperwork for the games is in order, that we have enough refs, etc. I'm also excited to see the new recruits coming in October (we are hoping to add two more teams, which means we need about 35 more girls).

I never would have guessed, that when I first stepped in to a dimly lit rink to check out the new roller derby league practicing in Liberty, Missouri, that in just a few short years, I'd be running my own league! I've had some amazing people step up and help out, take over responsibilities, just because they love this sport as much as I do. I can not express how much your efforts and investment into this sport means to me! I have made some wonderful new friends, that don't live hours away from me!

I haven't made a dime yet, because I've invested every bit back in to making this league more well known, more visible, and bigger, better for the skaters. (It's nice not having to drive an hour to practice, and I do get the perk of not paying dues.) Some day, though,  I'll get a paycheck, but right now, my best paycheck is seeing other women, like me, who have found something they never knew they were missing out on, and now can't imagine being without. Women who had forgotten who they were, or that they even needed some "me" time, and now have more confidence and are happier. Right now, I can see the fruit of my actions, and how those actions have brought joy to others, and because (get ready for some BIG news) I love to make others happy, that brings ME immense happiness!

Is it Spring 2013 yet?

Learning.....

I am learning to be productive, when I don't HAVE to be, and when I'm not on an employers' schedule. I'm learning this new skill at 30 too. (Yes, yes I just told you how old I really am, although most of you probably know me and know I'm not ashamed of my age.)

I am, (once again and for good), a stay-at-home mom, and this time I'm not hugely pregnant or recovering from having a baby. This means, not only do I have to energy to be productive, but no excuse not to be. This has actually been kind of difficult for me. For the last 30 years of my life, I have had to be productive. Either because I didn't want grounded or priviledges revoked, or because I didn't want to be fired from the job that I was being paid to do. It wasn't hard for me to be productive, because I've always had a good helping of work ethic and pride in doing a good job, or my slight OCD wouldn't let me do a lesser job.

Housework on the other hand.....well, let us just say I did it because it had to be done if I wanted clean clothes, or dishes to eat on, or gross bugs to not infest my house. Mostly I think my attitude towards the house duties, were because I was pretty wore out from my job and trying to meet my husband and childrens needs, that I just didn't have the energy left to keep up on the housework.

So I'm learning to get off my butt, and do housework, because it's my home, the sanctuary for my family. I'm really enjoying the time with my kids, and the fact that I've watched my baby taking her fledgling steps all week. Mostly, I think I'd get pretty bored if I didn't find something for me to do. The other day, I cleaned the bathroom, really, really well. No one made me, it didn't REALLY need it, but I wanted to. WHOAH! That just happened?
Yup, I now have a new job, and I've settled into actually taking pride in the work I do around the house, instead of doing it begrudgingly.


It helps that when my husband gets home, and I tell him to go look, that he does, and gives me the appropriate approval comment (something along the lines of "ooooooooh nice!"), accompanied with a smirk, a kiss, and a wink. Yup, I may seem a lot more boring to some of you now, but hey, I know what that wink meant and boring isn't it.

My job has some great perks!

New Adventures!!

Sorry it took nagging from friends and family to FINALLY sit down and post another blog. Those who know me, know I'm busy. Those who don't, might guess from my posts, that with 4 children, I'm busy. Not only am I busy, but I am crazy and decided to add a whole new level of busy! I am in the process of building a roller derby league, (while being Wife, Mom to 4, and Skating Carhop/Sonic Manager) !! Yeah, I had to go back to work. That's another story, but basically food prices went up more than our skimpy food budget could handle. *sigh*

Sorry, back to the subject at hand...

So I love roller derby, duh! With our family trying to conserve money, driving to Kansas City once a week for practice was NOT in the gas budget. Also, playing games wasn't going to change from Sunday's to Saturday's any time in the near future, and I couldn't justify breaking the 4th Commandment anymore (you know, the whole keep the Sabbath Day holy, and yeah, derby is not exactly holy). Plus I really wanted to spread the derby love to some women who like me, said they'd love to, but couldn't make the drive.

So at the end of last season with Dead Girl Derby and my Royal Pains, I told them all I was leaving and going to start a league in St Joseph (which is only half the drive for me). Being scared and intimidated about starting a business from the ground up, I talked with several of my derby people to figure out what I needed to do to get started. (a.k.a., I cried HELP!)

Jeff, one of the DGD BoD members (also a ref known as Don C. Nuttin), decided it would be good for DGD to help set things up so they would have other leagues, near by, to play. So he has been helping me with paperwork, while I have done a lot of foot work.

I named the Blacksnake Roller Girls. I found a place for us to practice. First practice was the beginning of November. It was just me, and another girl who (due to a car accident) wasn't able to finish recruitment with DGD, and was looking for another chance at roller derby. I was worried that's all that was going to show up, for longer than could stand. Lucky for me, that wasn't the case. The next week there were two more girls. The next week, two more. It spread slowly, some girls coming to check it out, then didn't come back. Some girls, like me, were hooked and couldn't come back soon enough.

Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I wasn't expecting much turn-out, but it seemed that growth had plateaued at about 12 girls. I need 15 to have a team so we can play games. I love roller derby, but part that love about it, is that it is that one part of my life, I'm not in charge of making things run smoothly. I had tried to recruit coaches so that I could get back to enjoying that part again, and not being the "in charge" person, but both attempts failed. I was running drills for the practices, two days a week, realizing we needed a bigger practice facility, didn't know where to find one, and was getting discouraged.

Then press happened. The Regular Joe printed an article about us on page 11. I was in the paper!!! Then the St Joesph News-Press printed and article in their Sunday edition. We were the front page story of their "Life" section! With a big picture at the top of me and some of my roller derby girls! They even put up a video!

Pictures taken by Jessica Stewart/St. Joseph News-Press

The next day, people kept telling me what a nice article it was, and how cool it was, or they couldn't believe I was crazy enough to play roller derby ("Do they really throw elbows and punches?!" P.S. no that's a penalty and derby girls don't like penalties).

The best part about it, was the interest it gathered. I have 6 girls who say they are going to come to practice tonight! SIX GIRLS! If they get hooked, and stay, that's my team! That means, in 2-3 months we will be paying games! Oh games how I've missed you!! (If you've read earlier posts games=bouts, but I've switched to using the word games, because it's a more widely understood word, *sigh*)

Last night, I took 7 of my girls to watch a DGD scrimmage practice (basically game practice) so they could get a better understanding of how the game works. (It's so much easier to watch it, than to try to explain it.) They were thrilled and getting more and more anxious to play. Me too ladies, me too.

So, I'm a little more excited when I put on my fishnets and skirt, and hoping that by the end of this month, I can call the Blacksnake Roller Girls, officially a team. I'm hoping come, the end of March, or beginning of April, we will get to play our inaugural game against one of the teams of Dead Girl Derby. I'm hoping I can find a coach to take over coaching, (I keep telling the girls I don't think I'm very good at it). I'm hoping I can find an affordable, bigger practice facility.

I'm hopeful. I just know, if I can get this team off the ground, there will be no stopping it.

Playing With My Food.

Lately I have been feeling rather blah. I blame it on the postpartum hormones. I really, most days don't want to go grocery shopping or even cook. The weird side effect to this, is that I have been playing with my food. Well, really my recipes.

One night, I'd asked Tony to stop by the grocery store to pick up two ingredients. He had picked up some tools first, and was worried that if he went into the store, there would be too great a chance that someone would happen to steal those tools out of the saddlebags on the motorcycle. *sigh* Needless to say, that day was a day where I kinda needed to go grocery shopping and was trying to stall one more day. That means, I was looking through my cupboards, trying to find something to cook for dinner. I had finally figured something out and needed those two ingredients. Not having those ingredients, sent me to my cupboards again, racking my brain, trying to figure out something to cook. So I grabbed a few things and threw them together in a casserole, hoping it would work. Voila! Fiesta Casserole was born! Of course, I waited until after the approval of the Manley horde to name it. I knew it would be a frequent menu selection when Tony came home the next day saying it was yummy even as left-overs for lunch.


I have had a good handful of evenings that I got a little creative, out of desperation, in the kitchen, but my faulty brain can only think of a three at the moment. I made stroganoff, but used rice instead of noodles (since we were out of noodles). My favorite recipe deviation so far, has been Chicken Bacon Ranch Alfredo. Yeah, bacon makes everything awesome!

I'm not really one to deviate from recipes. I'm a tried and true kind of girl. I don't like wasting my time, money, and efforts to risk it not turning out, or taste not so good. I also am hesitant to try new recipes without having a personal recommendation. Again for the same reasons. So this has been completely out of my norm. All this has come from being so desperate not to make the one thing that I already had the ingredients for, but not the time or energy to make that night, or from absolutely avoiding Wally-World Hell (because it is just that with 4 children in tow) that I have to get creative with what's available. Aaaaaand, because I love you all so much, I'm posting the recipes too! :) Enjoy!

Fiesta Casserole
1 lb hamburger (cooked, salted and peppered)
1 can black beans, drained (15 oz)
1 can diced tomatoes, drained (14.5 oz)
1-2 c rice, cooked according to package instructions
1 can Campbell's Fiesta Nacho Cheese (10 oz)
1-2 C sour cream
1-2 C shredded cheddar cheese

Preheat oven to 350. Layer first 4 ingredients in list order. Combine nacho cheese and sour cream together. the more sour cream you use, the milder the casserole is. Layer mix on top. Cover with foil and bake 45 min. Remove foil, add cheese and bake another 5 min or until cheese is melted.

Chicken Bacon Ranch Alfredo
3-4 Chicken breasts, cubed up. (you can also use Tyson's grilled and ready chicken/ 3-4 C)
1 small package Linguine or Fettuccine noodles, cooked according to package directions.
1 small package real bacon pieces (I find it's easier than buying bacon and cooking it)
1 package ranch dressing mix
2 C heavy cream
1/3 C butter (yes it must be butter)

Add cream and butter to a saucepan. Cook over medium heat stirring frequently-constantly. Bring to a boil. Then boil 10 min, while stirring constantly. While making sauce base, cook chicken in hot oil in pan on stove top(or heat precooked chicken) and boil noodles. When sauce has boiled 10 min, remove from heat. Add ranch seasoning, and stir until well mixed. Add bacon pieces and chicken. Add to noodles. You may choose to mix noodles and sauce together, or lay a bed of noodles on plate and put a ladle-full on top. Enjoy!

Old Habits

I've heard way too many times that "old habits die hard." I beg to differ. Yes there are those pesky ones that like to hang on for dear life, but then there are other ones, ones you'd like to keep around, but don't have the time to exercise, feed, nourish, bathe, and clothe. Oh wait. Sorry. Forgot I wasn't talking about kids. You get the gist though.

About a month ago, a friend called me up and said, "Hey I remembered that you play the flute! Can you be part of a musical number at church?" Well, maybe not word for word, but that was the idea of the conversation. I said sure, even though in my brain I was feeling like a little kid lost in a museum storage room. Do I even remember what a flute is? Where is mine? Do I even still have one? Do I remember how to hold it? Can my lips still hold a good embouchure? I'm not sure I remember fingerings, let alone how to read notes?! Ugh.....what did I just get myself into?

So, I looked up the music, and it was like reading gibberish. I had to do an Internet search for fingering charts. I'm a horrible sight reader anyway, I've always learned better from listening and mimicking. Guess you can't really call it learning, but that's how I play music. Play it for me, then I can play it back.

I went to the first practice, just me, and 4 girls singing, with one of them trying to play the piano part. It was the first time I'd picked up a flute in probably 8 yrs or better. Yeah, I pretty much massacred it. I hate doing that in front of people. I'd much rather massacre music in private while I learn it, or in a large group where you can't really hear MY mess-ups. Certainly not where others can listen to my awful excuse of having a go at flute playing.

I was surprised that my fingers remembered quickly what the fingerings were, as long as my brain remembered which note it was that I was reading. My embouchure not as lacking as I expected. It was kind of an impressive embouchure for having been on vacation almost a decade. As for my sight reading? I never had it in the first place. So I tried my best to listen to the piano and get an idea if my part from it. No such luck. They are two very different parts. Luckily, I did find an accompaniment track when I got home. It  came from the website we are using the music from, and has the piano and flute parts.Yesssss!

I spent a few days practicing my part, sitting at the computer, listening to the track. By day two, I felt a lot better about it. The following week, the other flautist, the piano player, and I got together for our own little practice. I felt a lot more confident this time. I was even helping out the other flautist, since she was in the same boat as I was. I felt pretty good about myself. All except I kept playing pretty sharp.I'll fix that.

In another two weeks we will be playing our musical number in front of a large congregation. I even told my mom so she could come. She loves to hear and watch me play my flute; she bought me the one I currently have, even after I hardly played anymore.

Even though I felt like a lost puppy when first asked about this daunting task, I'm glad I agreed. It gave me a reason to brush up on an old skill, that at one time was second nature to me. It's also given me an opportunity to play music with others again. I've missed that. Playing flute all by yourself is no fun and kind of awkward. I'm surprised at how much I lost, but how quickly it came back to me. Maybe I won't be so glad, come the day I have to actually perform in front of everyone, but at least I won't be a lone, and quite so rusty.