My Toddler is a Jerk

My youngest child, is quite the jerk. (If you know me, you know I have 5 children. *gasp* I know! I must be crazy! Actually I'm very blessed, thank you though for questioning my sanity.) Yes I know, calling your child names is frequently frowned upon, but I call it like it is. He is getting exponentially better at being cute, and adorable, and loving. He's quickly getting to be my favorite. ( I'm sure this will come to bite me in the butt, should my children ever discover my blog, but I've always had a favorite at different stages in my life.)

However this kid stays up, on average, 2 hours later than the rest of my kids, when it comes to bed time. Not quietly either. In and out of his room, with one reason or another, fighting bed time, crying, begging, reasoning why he doesn't want to go to sleep. He argues every "No" he's given. I've had to adopt a routine, where after I repeat my answer for the third time, I ask him if I gave him an answer already. When he replies that I did, I ask him to tell me what the answer was. He repeats it, dejectedly, and then I repeat the answer again. This usually ends the discussion. Not always. It's much better than before, when I'd repeat "No" at least 15 times before losing my $#^+, and yelling at the tyke. Which made him cry, and made me feel like the worst mom EVER. So I adopted the new process. Still a freaking long process, but usually when he starts crying, I don't feel the least bit guilty. So at least that's a win for me! He's stubborn, obstinate, persistent, sneaky, demanding, opinionated, and all wrapped in with a nice little temper to boot.

When he's being sweet, (which thankfully is becoming more common than not), he's so dang cute! He's smart, and funny, and caring, and affectionate, and quite the monkey. I am a pretty chill parent, and prefer to leave the helicopter locked in storage. So when I see him climbing over the top of the swing set at the ballfieks, I chuckle at the other parents looking at me to see if I'm going to freak and get him down. I mean, it is quite the sight to see a not even 4 year old child, straddling the cross beam of a swing set, several feet up from the ground. The thing is, he's got that kind of stuff in the bag. So I don't freak. 

I hope, that as his mother, I will have instilled in him, the right values for him to be persistent about: his qualities have the ability to be an incredible asset to him, that he will be as an ancient oak tree in the middle of the storm. He will be unwavering in his determination, and his desires. He will get what he wants in life, because he is so charming. The blue eyes aren't going to hurt things any either. His qualities however, could be his downfall if he lets pride take control, or his temper, or if he's seen on doing things that would make any mother weep. So, I worry that I will fail this child in particular. My window to mold him in to a good person, is slim. It's closing faster than I'd like. Wish me luck!

Hold On

I came across a song today, that I needed.

Hold On, from The Secret Garden

When you see the storm is coming
See the lightning part the skies
It's too late to run
There's terror in your eyes
What you do then is remember
This old thing you heard me say
"It's the storm, not you
That's bound to blow away"

Hold on

Hold on to someone standing by
Hold on
Don't even ask how long or why?
Child, hold on to what you know is true
Hold on till you get through
Child, oh child
Hold on

When you feel your heart is poundin'
Fear a devil's at your door
There's no place to hide
You're frozen to the floor
What you do then is you force yourself
To wake up, and just say
"It's this dream, not me
That's bound to go away"

Hold on
Hold on, the night will soon be by
Hold on
Until there's nothing left to try
Child, hold on, there's angels on their way
Hold on and hear them say
"Child, oh child!"

And it doesn't even matter
If the danger and the doom
Come from up above or down below
Or just come flying at you from across the room

When you see a man who's raging
And he's jealous and he fears
That you've walked through walls
He's hid behind for years
What you do then
Is you tell yourself to wait it out
And say "It's this day, not me
That's bound to go away"

Child, oh hold on
It's this day, not you
That's bound to go awards

Watch the video I came across here.

Hold On - The Secret Garden

Completely Capable

Too many times in my life, I've been told I couldn't or shouldn't be doing something, because of being a women, or especially a pregnant woman. Well, let me educate you. I am a completely capable human being of doing things for myself. I am perfectly capable of doing things and normal human being can do, EVEN while pregnant. Why yes, I can lift that box that someone told me was too heavy for me. Yes, I can change my own tire, brakes, washer fluid. In fact, I even know that blinker fluid doesn't exist. 

Today, my husband was unavailable, and the pool that I had set up, just this week, needed repairs (dang kids that think the cat would want to swim), and the pump that needed set up and connected. So I patched the holes in the inflatable ring of the pool, using a bicycle tube repair kit, and carried a compressor out of the garage, and inflated the ring. Then I read the instructions, (yeah guys, it's usually good idea to do that, take pointers here) and set the pump up. Ran extension cords, hooked up hoses, screwed clamps shut, and turned it on. All by myself. I am now my children's hero, cuz I got the pool up and running again. Yup. While being a woman, not having a man tell me how to use a compressor, or attach the compressor hose and nozzle attachment. Yes I know a LOT of women don't have men to help them with the less dainty tasks in life, and find themselves perfectly capable of doing them without help. In my situation though, because I've had a very handy man as my husband for 14 years, it's often assumed that I don't know how to do such tasks and leave them all to Tony. Well, I admit that I do let him do most of those handy man type tasks, but mostly cuz he gets great satisfaction out of being my handy guy. 

Today though, I was the hero. Sorry Tony.

Are You Good?

"Who are you doing this for?" It's a question I've asked myself before. The answer is usually my kids, my husband, my friends, my employer, my family. Then next comes, "Are you good? Deep down inside, as a person, where nobody can see but you, are you good?"
This is where I recently got pretty real with myself. I'm ok I guess. Sometimes I try my best, but sometimes I don't. I know that if I'm trying my best, that's good enough.
Then, the more honest part. The real answer to that first question.
I do this for me. I want people to like me, and I want to feel like I make a difference to them. I want people to like me more than just to think I'm ok, and to have nice things to say about me.
I fear I'll fail, or that people will find out I'm really not very talented or very clever, or worthy of their praise. That I'll fail to make enough of a difference in their life, that they will want to keep me in it.
Mostly I've found that often people connect well with me, talk to me and confide in me with ease, but when push comes to shove, I'm forgotten. Not like they forget who I am, or that they know me, but they forget to try to keep me as a part of their life. Friends that go from talking to me every day, to only talking to me when I initiate conversation. People don't think of me, when they think of friends to invite for a get together or fun night out. I don't get invited to lunch dates, to go to the movies, or shopping. Maybe it's because I'm a 30+ minute drive away from them, and it's not convenient. I'm not saying this like I think there is something wrong with me, and I'm not asking for a pity party. Im saying that I wonder, what is it about me, that people like me so easily, but no one thinks of me as their best friend, calls me their best friend to other people.
I am an inherently good person. I do want people to like me. I do things to make a difference in people's lives, to make them happy. Making others happy, makes me happy. Even when it costs me dearly to do so, it is always worth it. I certainly don't do good things for people so they will return my efforrs. However, it would just be nice, for all my efforts, to have someone like me enough to build a lasting friendship for once.

Long Time Coming

It's been a year, since I've even logged in to my blog. You're welcome my friend.
Funny thing is, I've been thinking about getting back to it. Mostly because I've not been sleeping well. Part of it is working nights. Part of it is stressing over too many things. Often times I wake up, when I should still be sleeping, my mind will start thinking about too many things, too fast, and with no end in sight. Something I've found that helps slow it down, so I can go back to sleep, is writing poetry in my head, precisely about whatever it is I'm fretting over.   I really should get up and write them down, but I don't. If I try to recreate them later, I fail. I haven't written poetry in ages. I'm not even sure if I'm any good at it, or if I ever was. All I know is it's helping. Maybe one of these days I'll delight all of you with my poetic musings. However, today is not that day.

Freedom on Two Wheels

For the last 7 years, my freedom moments have come mostly while I was on 8 wheels. Derby; my place to be completely, and wholly me. Recently though, I've been lucky enough to enjoy the roadways on a Honda Shadow 600 motorcycle. My commute to and from work is a new and wonderful experience. 

It's a 30 minute drive for me. A full 30 minutes of feeling the wind, enjoying some tunes, and mostly enjoying the view. That view!

For anyone who hasn't been on a motorcycle, it's hard to explain how different the view is, from a vehicle. It's so...open. My favorite is my ride home in the mornings. Although it's a colder ride, than on the way in, it's definitely worth the temperature difference. Sunrises are amazingly beautiful things. The beginning of a new day. Several times I've wished there was s way to accurately capture the view, with a photograph. Unfortunately, the only camera I have is attached to an iPhone, and taking a picture while riding isn't exactly the safest idea. Which means, I am left captivated my entire ride home, without any proof of what I've witnessed. Surprisingly, this has helped me to take in every bit of it while I can, because once I get home, it'll be over. My favorite, are the storm front sunrises. One morning I was racing home to beat a storm. Before me was a sky filled with clouds that looked like they were a heavenly fire! Behind me was a rainbow, and dark clouds, lightening filling them every so often. The contrast between the view in my mirrors, to the view before me, could not have been more stark. The beauty of the beginning of the morning leaves me in awe every morning.

Something else that I find entertaining, is the varying in temperatures as I ride up hills, down hills, across bridges, and past open fields. You can feel the differences, that wouldn't even register if you were driving that same road with the windows down. Also the smells. I love the smells, (most of the time), the smells of wild lilies, fresh cut grass, newly plowed dirt, the pavement as the first raindrops begin to fall. My mantra, with rain, is that I'll ride to work, as long as I'm not going to get wet on the way in. The way home is fair game. Sometimes the smells aren't so amazing. Like the cattle trailer I just passed, or the rotting plants from the field that flooded, or the roadkill. For the most part though, the it's the smells of nature that I would've missed with my windows up.

The most intriguing thing about riding my motorcycle, is I feel almost like my voice disappears. Yeah I could sing, or talk, but not only can I barely hear myself over the wind, or the wind and my music, but no one else would hear it either. Feeling like a mute, is weirdly freeing. I'm just listening, and watching the world fly by me. 

It's such a freeing feeling, riding a motorcycle. Like derby, I plan to continue feeling this freedom on two wheels, as long as my body will let me.

Today

Today I was sore from walking a zillion miles this weekend, and it was really hard to deal with the children who wanted to invade my space and snuggle with me and my tender pregnant belly.
Today I got to snuggle with my babies
Today I have a body that allowed me to walk a zillion miles this weekend.
Today I have a pregnant belly.

Today I had to catch up on the laundry that didn't get done for the last few days.
Today I got to use a washing machine and drier to help me accomplish the task.

Today I had to sort through baby boy clothes and try to figure out where to store them.
Today I have baby boy clothes that I was given without any kindness expected in return.

Today I had to get on to my son about eating breakfast.
Today I had food to feed my son for breakfast.

Today I had to clean up poop.
Today I have a toddler who is doing pretty good at potty training.

Today I didn't want to get up an do much, because I ached from walking a zillion miles.
Today I didn't have to get up and go to work, because my husbands has a good enough job (and we have small enough debt) that I can stay home with my children.

Today I complained, but today I was blessed.

The Emotional Monster

Today I feel like I've been overtaken by pregnancy hormones, and of course that's not in a good way. It's so hard to be rational, or even think logically when my body is raging with hormones that are totally hijacking my emotions.

This it totally how I feel today, only while crying.

Today I am looking at my calendar for the week, and my to-do list next to it, and I just wanna hide in my bedroom. This week is going to be crazy busy for me. I don't want to do any of it, but on the other hand I do, because I've been looking forward to a lot of it for weeks now. I'm also hoping it will be fun. Most of all, Saturday is my derby game, and for the first time in 2 yrs, I don't get to play. Physically, I totally could, and my growing baby would be totally fine, no matter how hard I fell, but like I've said before, no one wants to hit a pregnant chic, not even one on skates in full protective gear, so it would be a totally unfair advantage. I'm trying to put on a brave face. Yes I'm happy to be having a baby, and no I wouldn't trade bringing a baby in to this world for playing derby, but this game I should be able to do both. I am not going to get to though, because of society's view of pregnancy as being this state of fragility. It just makes me want to bawl. Like ugly cry, type of bawl.

And I don't wanna do all my responsibilites, cuz I can't have all fun, so I'd rather just hide in my room and cry.

Stupid hormones.

The end.

Roller Derby and Pregnancy

So my first blog back in a while, and of course it's going to be about the two things that *kinda* rule my life. Roller derby, and kids, or at least the process of incubating them.

This is totally happening with my kids!

Yes, yes indeed I am pregnant. Some of you are muttering to your screens, "Again?" Yes again. To answer the next questions that you are muttering to yourself, "Yes I know what causes it. No it wasn't an accident or surprise. Frankly I don't know if we are done yet."

If I'm being frank here, people can be downright rude when you aren't following the society cookie cutter norm for having kids. I told my husband that I wanted 5 kids when we were talking marriage, and he thought "Surely she is nuts!" Well folks, he drank the Kool-aid, and wouldn't send any of them back. Thankfully. Cuz that would really, really, hurt. We were both ready to be done at 4, since we had the perfect set-up and why ruin a good thing, right?! I mean how many people have 2 boys and 2 girls, in that exact order? Statistically it's super rare to have that order of kids, and it's exactly what I wanted! Plus it satisfied my slight OCD. Then one day, while sitting in church, I just knew we weren't done. I leaned over and told my wonderful spouse, and he glared the glare of hellfire at me. After a few months of much arguing, (I couldn't shake the feeling that this was the right decision)
Tony woke up and told me he was okay with it. I swear I looked around the room for lightning strike marks. So then we started planning when would be a good time to to leave things in the hands of my amazing reproductive system and ditch the birth control.

You wanna know the big factor in deciding when?! Roller Derby. Oh come on, you knew roller derby was gonna come in to play in this post *some*time. I looked at the calendar and the season schedule, trying to figure out when would give me the most play time, and a decent recovery time. I wasn't trying to get back to practice after 2 weeks like last time. After all, my body is in it's 30s now.

I found out I was pregnant this spring, and crunched the numbers. I knew I could safely get away with playing through the June game, and was excited to be able to play 5 out of 8 games for the year. I was going to miss playing in the championship bout, but I would survive.....after lots and lots of tears I'm sure. For all of you cringing, thinking about a pregnant lady playing such a high contact sport, you must not have paid much attention during your high school anatomy class. The woman's body is an AMAZING thing, and an even better baby factory. It has super high tech security to protect it's product from unwanted intrusions and outside disasters. In the first half of pregnancy, that uterus is the most safe, cushioned, baby safe ever! I've been playing this sport for years so i was completely aware of my body and what it is capable of. Doctors also encourage you to keep doing physical activities that you are accustomed to doing, just not way up the physical activity cuz all the sudden you are like, "Whoah, I'm gonna blow up like a hippo, I gotta start exercising!" Hey I skated as a carhop up to 7 months into my first pregnancy, (with my OBGYN's permission) and only got off my skates because of rude customers.

Well. my body had other plans. As soon as my stomach muscles realized what they were in for, they rebelled. They wouldn't even hold their normal, very relaxed position, but went on all out hiatus. So all my league-mates started talking about how pregnant I looked, and "Oh look, she did the belly touch!" So I played the May game amidst the rumor mill, and then spilled my beans. There was no use lying. I am just sad I didn't get to play ONE MORE GAME. Stupid stomach muscles. I'd fire them if I didn't need them. Why can't I just play that one more game, you ask? It would be a completely unfair advantage. No one wants to hit a pregnant chic. Dang it.

So now I get to sit (who am I kidding, I'll be on my feet yelling) on the side-lines, coaching and cheering my team on. It'll still be a good season, and in the end I will get a new snuggle bug for Christmas. It's just a tough pill to swallow, to stand by, feeling the wind of the pack pass you by.

Doing What I Love

I have been absent from the blogger world for a while. I feel like I should apologize, but then, I've been doing what I love, so.....really.....I'm not sorry at all.

I've been Mommy, Wife, Housekeeper, Maid, Nurse, Tutor, Taxi, Chef, Errand Girl, and Business Owner.

(That last one has taken up a lot of my extra mental storage and "spare" time, what ever that is. )

Business Owner?! You're probably thinking, "How out of touch have I been with Liz?" Or "What have you got yourself in to now?!"

 Really, just roller derby. 

Remember two whole posts ago, when I talked about starting the Blacksnake Roller Girls? Well, it took off, a lot, and I can now call it officially my business. This also means, that if it tanks ever, than I will cry, a lot.

Let me summarize. Enough girls were interested and had enough practices in, that we were able to schedule our first game for April 28th. I expected 500 people. 1500 people were in attendance! I was to the moon with excitement! It made money, rather than lost money. It was an edge of your seat, exciting game! It was the best night of derby, EVER!

Neat fact, that's my silhouette.

Then, we had enough girls in the league, that we split into two teams. The Jesse Janes and the Venomous Vixens.

I helped create the logo with the awesome talents of Edith Myfist, one of my teammates from Dead Girl Derby.

Then we were in parades, and people started recognizing us.

We were able to play against Dead Girl Derby teams in June (that's when this whole thing became officially mine!), July, and August. Each game we made money, which we promptly spent on advertising for the next game. DGD skaters were jealous of our arena, and our fan turn-out. It felt pretty good!

September, we decided to have our two house teams play against each other, Frankly, we had been creamed all season by the more experienced DGD skaters, and felt it would be a better game for the fans to watch. Boy was it! It was an intense, lead switching game! First, the Vixens were in the lead at the beginning of the first quarter, then the Janes took the lead (I'm a Jane), then we were tied in the 4th quarter, then finally the Vixens took the lead and won by 6 points. Oh my goodness was it a great game! Such a good game, that no one Jane felt that they lost, and no one Vixen wasn't grateful to the Janes for laying it all out on the track!

This wasn't everyone, but most of us, excited after a hard fought game!

It has been an excellent season. I am sad to have this season be over, and knowing that we won't have a game in that arena until next spring, is a tough pill to swallow. I am grateful that I don't have to stress over, the arena being paid, contracts signed, ordering and selling tickets, collecting ticket money, making sure insurance paperwork for the games is in order, that we have enough refs, etc. I'm also excited to see the new recruits coming in October (we are hoping to add two more teams, which means we need about 35 more girls).

I never would have guessed, that when I first stepped in to a dimly lit rink to check out the new roller derby league practicing in Liberty, Missouri, that in just a few short years, I'd be running my own league! I've had some amazing people step up and help out, take over responsibilities, just because they love this sport as much as I do. I can not express how much your efforts and investment into this sport means to me! I have made some wonderful new friends, that don't live hours away from me!

I haven't made a dime yet, because I've invested every bit back in to making this league more well known, more visible, and bigger, better for the skaters. (It's nice not having to drive an hour to practice, and I do get the perk of not paying dues.) Some day, though,  I'll get a paycheck, but right now, my best paycheck is seeing other women, like me, who have found something they never knew they were missing out on, and now can't imagine being without. Women who had forgotten who they were, or that they even needed some "me" time, and now have more confidence and are happier. Right now, I can see the fruit of my actions, and how those actions have brought joy to others, and because (get ready for some BIG news) I love to make others happy, that brings ME immense happiness!

Is it Spring 2013 yet?

Learning.....

I am learning to be productive, when I don't HAVE to be, and when I'm not on an employers' schedule. I'm learning this new skill at 30 too. (Yes, yes I just told you how old I really am, although most of you probably know me and know I'm not ashamed of my age.)

I am, (once again and for good), a stay-at-home mom, and this time I'm not hugely pregnant or recovering from having a baby. This means, not only do I have to energy to be productive, but no excuse not to be. This has actually been kind of difficult for me. For the last 30 years of my life, I have had to be productive. Either because I didn't want grounded or priviledges revoked, or because I didn't want to be fired from the job that I was being paid to do. It wasn't hard for me to be productive, because I've always had a good helping of work ethic and pride in doing a good job, or my slight OCD wouldn't let me do a lesser job.

Housework on the other hand.....well, let us just say I did it because it had to be done if I wanted clean clothes, or dishes to eat on, or gross bugs to not infest my house. Mostly I think my attitude towards the house duties, were because I was pretty wore out from my job and trying to meet my husband and childrens needs, that I just didn't have the energy left to keep up on the housework.

So I'm learning to get off my butt, and do housework, because it's my home, the sanctuary for my family. I'm really enjoying the time with my kids, and the fact that I've watched my baby taking her fledgling steps all week. Mostly, I think I'd get pretty bored if I didn't find something for me to do. The other day, I cleaned the bathroom, really, really well. No one made me, it didn't REALLY need it, but I wanted to. WHOAH! That just happened?
Yup, I now have a new job, and I've settled into actually taking pride in the work I do around the house, instead of doing it begrudgingly.


It helps that when my husband gets home, and I tell him to go look, that he does, and gives me the appropriate approval comment (something along the lines of "ooooooooh nice!"), accompanied with a smirk, a kiss, and a wink. Yup, I may seem a lot more boring to some of you now, but hey, I know what that wink meant and boring isn't it.

My job has some great perks!

New Adventures!!

Sorry it took nagging from friends and family to FINALLY sit down and post another blog. Those who know me, know I'm busy. Those who don't, might guess from my posts, that with 4 children, I'm busy. Not only am I busy, but I am crazy and decided to add a whole new level of busy! I am in the process of building a roller derby league, (while being Wife, Mom to 4, and Skating Carhop/Sonic Manager) !! Yeah, I had to go back to work. That's another story, but basically food prices went up more than our skimpy food budget could handle. *sigh*

Sorry, back to the subject at hand...

So I love roller derby, duh! With our family trying to conserve money, driving to Kansas City once a week for practice was NOT in the gas budget. Also, playing games wasn't going to change from Sunday's to Saturday's any time in the near future, and I couldn't justify breaking the 4th Commandment anymore (you know, the whole keep the Sabbath Day holy, and yeah, derby is not exactly holy). Plus I really wanted to spread the derby love to some women who like me, said they'd love to, but couldn't make the drive.

So at the end of last season with Dead Girl Derby and my Royal Pains, I told them all I was leaving and going to start a league in St Joseph (which is only half the drive for me). Being scared and intimidated about starting a business from the ground up, I talked with several of my derby people to figure out what I needed to do to get started. (a.k.a., I cried HELP!)

Jeff, one of the DGD BoD members (also a ref known as Don C. Nuttin), decided it would be good for DGD to help set things up so they would have other leagues, near by, to play. So he has been helping me with paperwork, while I have done a lot of foot work.

I named the Blacksnake Roller Girls. I found a place for us to practice. First practice was the beginning of November. It was just me, and another girl who (due to a car accident) wasn't able to finish recruitment with DGD, and was looking for another chance at roller derby. I was worried that's all that was going to show up, for longer than could stand. Lucky for me, that wasn't the case. The next week there were two more girls. The next week, two more. It spread slowly, some girls coming to check it out, then didn't come back. Some girls, like me, were hooked and couldn't come back soon enough.

Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I wasn't expecting much turn-out, but it seemed that growth had plateaued at about 12 girls. I need 15 to have a team so we can play games. I love roller derby, but part that love about it, is that it is that one part of my life, I'm not in charge of making things run smoothly. I had tried to recruit coaches so that I could get back to enjoying that part again, and not being the "in charge" person, but both attempts failed. I was running drills for the practices, two days a week, realizing we needed a bigger practice facility, didn't know where to find one, and was getting discouraged.

Then press happened. The Regular Joe printed an article about us on page 11. I was in the paper!!! Then the St Joesph News-Press printed and article in their Sunday edition. We were the front page story of their "Life" section! With a big picture at the top of me and some of my roller derby girls! They even put up a video!

Pictures taken by Jessica Stewart/St. Joseph News-Press

The next day, people kept telling me what a nice article it was, and how cool it was, or they couldn't believe I was crazy enough to play roller derby ("Do they really throw elbows and punches?!" P.S. no that's a penalty and derby girls don't like penalties).

The best part about it, was the interest it gathered. I have 6 girls who say they are going to come to practice tonight! SIX GIRLS! If they get hooked, and stay, that's my team! That means, in 2-3 months we will be paying games! Oh games how I've missed you!! (If you've read earlier posts games=bouts, but I've switched to using the word games, because it's a more widely understood word, *sigh*)

Last night, I took 7 of my girls to watch a DGD scrimmage practice (basically game practice) so they could get a better understanding of how the game works. (It's so much easier to watch it, than to try to explain it.) They were thrilled and getting more and more anxious to play. Me too ladies, me too.

So, I'm a little more excited when I put on my fishnets and skirt, and hoping that by the end of this month, I can call the Blacksnake Roller Girls, officially a team. I'm hoping come, the end of March, or beginning of April, we will get to play our inaugural game against one of the teams of Dead Girl Derby. I'm hoping I can find a coach to take over coaching, (I keep telling the girls I don't think I'm very good at it). I'm hoping I can find an affordable, bigger practice facility.

I'm hopeful. I just know, if I can get this team off the ground, there will be no stopping it.

Playing With My Food.

Lately I have been feeling rather blah. I blame it on the postpartum hormones. I really, most days don't want to go grocery shopping or even cook. The weird side effect to this, is that I have been playing with my food. Well, really my recipes.

One night, I'd asked Tony to stop by the grocery store to pick up two ingredients. He had picked up some tools first, and was worried that if he went into the store, there would be too great a chance that someone would happen to steal those tools out of the saddlebags on the motorcycle. *sigh* Needless to say, that day was a day where I kinda needed to go grocery shopping and was trying to stall one more day. That means, I was looking through my cupboards, trying to find something to cook for dinner. I had finally figured something out and needed those two ingredients. Not having those ingredients, sent me to my cupboards again, racking my brain, trying to figure out something to cook. So I grabbed a few things and threw them together in a casserole, hoping it would work. Voila! Fiesta Casserole was born! Of course, I waited until after the approval of the Manley horde to name it. I knew it would be a frequent menu selection when Tony came home the next day saying it was yummy even as left-overs for lunch.


I have had a good handful of evenings that I got a little creative, out of desperation, in the kitchen, but my faulty brain can only think of a three at the moment. I made stroganoff, but used rice instead of noodles (since we were out of noodles). My favorite recipe deviation so far, has been Chicken Bacon Ranch Alfredo. Yeah, bacon makes everything awesome!

I'm not really one to deviate from recipes. I'm a tried and true kind of girl. I don't like wasting my time, money, and efforts to risk it not turning out, or taste not so good. I also am hesitant to try new recipes without having a personal recommendation. Again for the same reasons. So this has been completely out of my norm. All this has come from being so desperate not to make the one thing that I already had the ingredients for, but not the time or energy to make that night, or from absolutely avoiding Wally-World Hell (because it is just that with 4 children in tow) that I have to get creative with what's available. Aaaaaand, because I love you all so much, I'm posting the recipes too! :) Enjoy!

Fiesta Casserole
1 lb hamburger (cooked, salted and peppered)
1 can black beans, drained (15 oz)
1 can diced tomatoes, drained (14.5 oz)
1-2 c rice, cooked according to package instructions
1 can Campbell's Fiesta Nacho Cheese (10 oz)
1-2 C sour cream
1-2 C shredded cheddar cheese

Preheat oven to 350. Layer first 4 ingredients in list order. Combine nacho cheese and sour cream together. the more sour cream you use, the milder the casserole is. Layer mix on top. Cover with foil and bake 45 min. Remove foil, add cheese and bake another 5 min or until cheese is melted.

Chicken Bacon Ranch Alfredo
3-4 Chicken breasts, cubed up. (you can also use Tyson's grilled and ready chicken/ 3-4 C)
1 small package Linguine or Fettuccine noodles, cooked according to package directions.
1 small package real bacon pieces (I find it's easier than buying bacon and cooking it)
1 package ranch dressing mix
2 C heavy cream
1/3 C butter (yes it must be butter)

Add cream and butter to a saucepan. Cook over medium heat stirring frequently-constantly. Bring to a boil. Then boil 10 min, while stirring constantly. While making sauce base, cook chicken in hot oil in pan on stove top(or heat precooked chicken) and boil noodles. When sauce has boiled 10 min, remove from heat. Add ranch seasoning, and stir until well mixed. Add bacon pieces and chicken. Add to noodles. You may choose to mix noodles and sauce together, or lay a bed of noodles on plate and put a ladle-full on top. Enjoy!

Old Habits

I've heard way too many times that "old habits die hard." I beg to differ. Yes there are those pesky ones that like to hang on for dear life, but then there are other ones, ones you'd like to keep around, but don't have the time to exercise, feed, nourish, bathe, and clothe. Oh wait. Sorry. Forgot I wasn't talking about kids. You get the gist though.

About a month ago, a friend called me up and said, "Hey I remembered that you play the flute! Can you be part of a musical number at church?" Well, maybe not word for word, but that was the idea of the conversation. I said sure, even though in my brain I was feeling like a little kid lost in a museum storage room. Do I even remember what a flute is? Where is mine? Do I even still have one? Do I remember how to hold it? Can my lips still hold a good embouchure? I'm not sure I remember fingerings, let alone how to read notes?! Ugh.....what did I just get myself into?

So, I looked up the music, and it was like reading gibberish. I had to do an Internet search for fingering charts. I'm a horrible sight reader anyway, I've always learned better from listening and mimicking. Guess you can't really call it learning, but that's how I play music. Play it for me, then I can play it back.

I went to the first practice, just me, and 4 girls singing, with one of them trying to play the piano part. It was the first time I'd picked up a flute in probably 8 yrs or better. Yeah, I pretty much massacred it. I hate doing that in front of people. I'd much rather massacre music in private while I learn it, or in a large group where you can't really hear MY mess-ups. Certainly not where others can listen to my awful excuse of having a go at flute playing.

I was surprised that my fingers remembered quickly what the fingerings were, as long as my brain remembered which note it was that I was reading. My embouchure not as lacking as I expected. It was kind of an impressive embouchure for having been on vacation almost a decade. As for my sight reading? I never had it in the first place. So I tried my best to listen to the piano and get an idea if my part from it. No such luck. They are two very different parts. Luckily, I did find an accompaniment track when I got home. It  came from the website we are using the music from, and has the piano and flute parts.Yesssss!

I spent a few days practicing my part, sitting at the computer, listening to the track. By day two, I felt a lot better about it. The following week, the other flautist, the piano player, and I got together for our own little practice. I felt a lot more confident this time. I was even helping out the other flautist, since she was in the same boat as I was. I felt pretty good about myself. All except I kept playing pretty sharp.I'll fix that.

In another two weeks we will be playing our musical number in front of a large congregation. I even told my mom so she could come. She loves to hear and watch me play my flute; she bought me the one I currently have, even after I hardly played anymore.

Even though I felt like a lost puppy when first asked about this daunting task, I'm glad I agreed. It gave me a reason to brush up on an old skill, that at one time was second nature to me. It's also given me an opportunity to play music with others again. I've missed that. Playing flute all by yourself is no fun and kind of awkward. I'm surprised at how much I lost, but how quickly it came back to me. Maybe I won't be so glad, come the day I have to actually perform in front of everyone, but at least I won't be a lone, and quite so rusty.

Downtrodden

Today that is how I am feeling.

I wanna cry. My tailbone has been giving me fits for months now. I'm used to dealing with it during pregnancy, since it's something that I've dealt with during all four pregnancies. I blamed it on my widening hips, leaving my tailbone all alone to hold my burgeoning belly weight, and it complained loudly about it. Having problems after pregnancy, well, I am not used to that, and so now I am complaining loudly about it

Yes, I still can't sit for very long (ie; 5 min) without being in pain, or wincing when I get up. My other three pregnancies, the tailbone pain was gone almost immediately after giving birth. Why, oh why, is this one different. Why am I still in pain?!?!


Before you pull out your condescending "you should go to the chiropractor" thoughts, I have. Four times now, since giving birth, and my daughter is 8 weeks old. Not once have I had any respite, not once has it felt better, even for a day. No, I have not hurt it during roller derby either, and I haven't fallen and landed on my bum, so I know it's not broken or bruised. So there!


I am at my wits end about it. Like I've said before, I am a ninny. I cannot handle pain that lasts long enough for me to analyze and think about. If it's quick and over fast, I don't have to really deal with it, just mention how much it sucked. But this?! This has gone on FAR too long.


Then, yesterday, I drove an hour to go to roller derby practice (I haven't been in two weeks for gas money reasons) all for pretty much nothing. Well except for my tailbone to hurt from the drive. A contractor for the rink screwed up and painted hockey lines on the rink floor on the wrong day. Wet paint = moaning and groaning about all my wasted gas money.


Today, I went to work out in my circuit training class at the YMCA, like I have been for two weeks now. I was struck with some bad self-thoughts while looking at myself in the mirror while kicking, bouncing, and all that jazz. When did I get so jiggly? Ugh! Yes I am there to tone and lose weight, but I look so awkward doing it right now and my side view of myself is so undesirable, that I felt very discouraged. Plus, I know that since I am breastfeeding, I cannot do things that would help me lose weight faster, because it would be bad for my Abigail. So I'm also discouraged that this is going to be a long journey down this weight loss path, and I'm going to be seeing a lot of that jiggle in the mirror at class for a while.


So today, I feel downtrodden and I want to cry, a lot. I want very much to find a solution to my tailbone ailment, to my gas money problem (so I don't feel awful for spending it to drive to roller derby practice again Wednesday), and for this weight to melt off me faster, please.

Anticipation!

I can not express enough how excited and terrified I am for tomorrow! "What's tomorrow? It's Sunday, people don't do stuff on Sunday,"  might be the train of thought running through your mind. If that's the case, then you probably don't converse with me often, or occasionally read my status updates on that addictive social networking site.

Tomorrow is D-Day. Derby Day. Roller Derby Bout Time! I LOVE roller derby and LOVE bouts!! What's a bout? Eh, some not-so-in-the-know people would call it a game. It's not a game though, it's a bout, and you will get a skate to the face if you call it just a game....

2010 Season

I digress. I have not competed in a bout since last August. That was the last game of our season for 2010, and then during the off season I managed to convince myself it would be a good thing to add another child to our family, and voila, I got pregnant, just like that. Which consequently put me on medical leave of absence. No one wants to hit a pregnant girl. (Well unless said pregnant girl is into lots of drama and man stealing....then I'm sure someone would want to hit her. Thankfully I'm not like said girl.) Plus, even though my OBGYN loves me lots and lots (because I bribe her with Sonic drinks), she mandated I wasn't allowed to do any hitting drills. Oh poo. That takes the fun out it, not to mention it makes it no longer worth the hour drive to practice.

So I avoided derby for a while, cuz nothing sucks more than hanging around something you love when you can't participate. I kinda felt like someone in AA avoiding the bars when all my friends are there. Not fun.

Then I had Abigail in June, and two weeks later got the go ahead from my OB that I could return. Huzzah! Tomorrow I get to skate in the bout! This is where I'm so nervous, and my tummy is filled with butterflies! I'm not ask skinny as I was at the end of last season, and my endurance level is down too. So now, I have some big shoes to fill. Everyone remembers my abilities from last season, and is expecting very similar results, and....I'm terrified I will let them down.

Oh well. Derby isn't about winning. It's about loving it while you get exercise, camaraderie, and the chance to get your anger out without anyone taking it personally. So here's to tomorrow! I'm so dang excited I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep tonight!

Alex and the Toilet Seat

Alex came to me the other day looking like this......

Sorry it's fuzzy....dang low quality phone cameras!

....asking me to get it off his head! I pulled and squished his ears through, and tugged. No such luck. So I took a picture, (for future blackmail and embarrassing-his-date use) and then used scissors to cut it off.

When I asked him what in the heck was he thinking, he simply said, "Well it came off everyone else's head!"

And I'm thinking, "Great, now ALL of my kids have pee germs on their heads..."

Sneaky Make-up Artist

Autumn is sneaky. And quiet. And mischievous. Not a good combo for the Mommy who gets to clean up afterwards. Twice this week she has gotten into my mascara. The first time I had left my purse in her reach (ie, counter) and got to clean off the black marks from her tummy. I caught her before it had become a HUGE mess, although she had dumped all the contents of my purse out. So I thought I would thwart any further mascara mishaps and move my mascara to a higher location.

Today I caught her sitting in the bathroom sink, with half of the medicine cabinet emptied, mascara all over her face, tummy, legs, arms, the sink, mirror, and a few of the things she had pulled out.

She got to go to time out, and gave me nasty looks while I took pictures. I took a minute to breathe before I sold her on eBay.

As American As Baseball

Frequently my brain doesn't work like I want it to. Many times, I find fun things to do with the kids or the family, sometimes I even remember to write it on the calender. Then the said event comes and either it's too late to go or participate, or I've plain missed it.

This year, I finally remembered before it was too late to jump in on the fun activity. I got Alex signed up for the Osborn Wildcats Coach-Pitch Team. (Coach pitch means the coach is the pitcher for those that don't hit off a t-stand). I figured it would be a lot of fun for Alex and his high energy level, I mean what better way to get out some energy than to run around some bases? I also thought it would be good for Alex to make some friends before he started kindergarten in the fall.

So May came, I bought him baseball pants, was able to find him a glove that fit him (at a garage sale for 25 cents-I was happy!) and practices began. Alex was really excited about playing baseball....until he had to stand in the outfield....which turned into playing in the dirt with his glove. I must say, on one hand, it is somewhat entertaining to watch a bunch of young, energetic boys, stand in the outfield waiting for their turn to catch or throw a ball. Many sit down, play in the dirt, or watch the birds and clouds overhead, etc. On the other hand, I wanna wring his neck for not paying attention! As Tony and I watched practice, I realized my son knew NOTHING about baseball! Of course, why would he?! We don't watch TV, so he'd never seen a game, and it didn't cross my mind to ever tell him about baseball, after all, I'm not a sports nut, and the only sport Tony is nutty about is racing.

Coach Ferren did a good job of getting the major points across to my little hyper boy. Alex about ran out of excitement for baseball until he got to play his first game. He didn't do very well, but because of the encouragement from his coach, he got excited again. So Tony borrowed a glove from my brother, we bought Alex a bat and ball, and my crafty husband made Alex a T-ball stand, and they practiced in the backyard. That made baseball even more awesome, because it meant one-on-one Daddy time for Alex.

The next few games were not exactly fun for me, as it was hot and I was waaaaay pregnant, and it hurt to sit or stand for very long. A couple games, I stayed home, and some games got cancelled due to weather, but then came the tournament. Alex was pretty blah about it, until we explained that they were special games, and if his team did well they could get a trophy. Suddenly baseball was even better!

So we drove to Clarksdale with new Abigail in tow, and watched Alex play. He was able to hit the ball every time, and make it to first, and with the other hitters behind him, make it to home. We won. It was a fun, suspenseful game to watch, which is not the norm when watching little boys play baseball. So we were on to the next game, set to play the next day....except it got rained out.

A week later, they rescheduled the games. The first rescheduled game, it was sooo hot, that I didn't want to take Abigail or Autumn out in it. So Tony took Alex and Alex's personal cheerleader Anthony to the game. (Anthony gets pretty excited for Alex and shouts encouraging things a lot at him. It's almost as entertaining watching him jump up and down on his little short legs, fists pumping, as he shouts in his cute little Anthony voice.) They won that game!

The next game it was still hot, and a late game, so Tony just took Alex on the motorcycle. This of course is probably more cool to Alex then playing in the game, and he likes the fact that he can fit Mommy's helmet! While Alex was on base, he had to go to the bathroom and couldn't hold it, so they had to call a time-out! (I find this humorous, I mean, can you imagine watching the Royals and them calling a time-out to go pee?!) The umpire was not pleased. Again, they won. Tony said they were all really good games to watch, and he enjoyed watching Alex do so well, since again, he hit every ball and was able to get all the way home. Alex is hitting from a T-stand, but still, you gotta give a 5 yr old a little credit here.

Finally the Saturday was going to be the last day. If they won their first game, then the won the tournament, but if they lost, they played the same team again, right away, and either would end up with 1st or 2nd place, depending if they won or lost that game as well.

It was hot, but I wanted to watch Alex play what could be his last game of the year. It was really sunny, but thankfully there was a decent breeze and some clouds to help out. I was really hoping that they won so we wouldn't be stuck in the sun for 4 hours. Alex hit the ball when he was at bat, all but the last time (I think it's because he wasn't using his bat). During one inning, when Alex was in the outfield, he was watching a big bird (heron, I think) fly over head and a ball rolled behind him. He saw it after it went passed him and tried to get it, but by that time several other teammates were running for it, and he got stuck at the bottom of a dogpile. He cried. It was a good game though, and they ended up winning by 2 points, thank goodness!

Then the medals were given out (one for 1st in the tournament, and one for 3rd in the league since they missed two games), t-shirts that stated they were the champs, and pictures taken with the team trophy. Alex was ready to get out of there, but I was able to get him to pose with the trophy and his bat.

So there you have it. I remembered and was able to get my child involved in something fun, that ended up being fun for all of us. Not to mention Alex now has baseball medals hanging on his wall.... I think I'm more happy about those than he is. :)

Rumors

There have been some rumors flying around like a mad, and I must say, that since they are all about me, I must be responsible and do my duty to dispell the crazy talk.

I am not Super Woman. 

Sorry folks, I hate to break it to you, but I'm not. I am also not a "bad mamma jamma", "hard core", someone to be in awe of or scared of, and a few other complimentary descriptions using expletives.

To be frank, I'm just crazy.

Plain and simple. I'm crazy about roller derby, and the pesky business of laying in bed all day and healing after having a baby, had gone on long enough! Yes, I know that I'm still technically healing, but since I'm not bleeding anymore, and activity isn't causing me to start bleeding again, (sorry if that's TMI) I just can't keep off my skates. Can you  blame me?

My husband says my head is getting a little inflated, so I figured I'd tell all my ardent admirers to halt with the flattery, so that my head will get back to it's original size. After all, flattery gets you no where (or so they say) and I certainly don't want my head to be ill-proportioned to my body, cuz then I'd just look silly.

Seriously though, I'm only returning to my derby love so soon, because I know my body is healed enough, and that I need derby to get back in shape. If I was not lucky enough to have a healthy, quick healing body, I would be just a normal as the rest of you mere mortals.

So carry on, feel free to compliment me on other aspects of my awesomesauce, just keep the Super Woman comments to a minimum. After all, a girl needs to be somewhat sensible.